6 Sessions of Therapy

The understanding of myself I gained in therapy. Origin Date: 5-24-24

1. I am a reflection of Jesus to the world, made in his image and he will sustain me as I trust Him in the endeavors we work together to achieve.

2. I doubt my strengths because of what I deem is a lack of experience and application of my skills (in certain areas such as Fire, EMS and leadership). Be confident and comfortable in my strengths. Build on my strengths and utilize other's strengths where I am weak. God will show His strength through my weaknesses.

3. I care and can empathize with people where they are. Those are both very positive attributes. Enjoy and develop them.

4. I am also a number 2 leader. Let others know that so… 1. They can utilize my gifting, and 2. They can let their guard down, knowing that I'm not after their position, title, or responsibility. I will be very loyal and want to see them personally become successful and for our mission/team to be successful.

5. In listening to Tom Spooner share about what bothered him as a Delta Operator, God helped me understand what bothers me the most as a firefighter/EMT…failing those around me. Not so much patients, but my teammates and the living patients/family members I've failed to support, protect, lead.

Why does that (#5) bother me?

I have failed to live up to my full potential (how I feel). I've been lazy and the only reason I haven't experienced major failure is because I've candy coated it. I didn't share the Gospel with my dad before he died. I tried to with my mom. I've failed to speak up for myself and for others at the appropriate time. I've failed to push myself in learning my trade…any trade for that matter because I'm afraid to put all my eggs in one basket because I'm afraid to fail. Tom spoke specifically about not being able to protect those around him, those that looked up to him. I have the same nature to protect and as a protector, when I am unable to protect those in my care, well that is the uttermost failure.

If I'm average, then I have average expectations on me, it's an excuse and I HATE myself for making those excuses. I desire to be the best, and am constantly comparing myself to the best because I'm drawn to them like a moth to light, yet I always come up sub-par (again how I see myself). My best is a lie, I'm always afraid to give my all and then I resent myself for it.

Now, looking back and reading this for the 3rd time, I realize how true those words are. I also know that I cannot be the best at everything I do AND how my perception of my skills and talents vs. how others view my talent and skills is probably vastly different. I see sub-par work and knowledge. What do others see…? It depends on the situation. I do know this, that I need to give myself grace and accept my weaknesses, because the talents and abilities God has blessed me with are gifts he's given me for His purposes. I may want to sing and play guitar; to be on stage and bring glory to him that way (dream since I was like 8yo), but He didn't give me that ability, nor has He opened the doors to do so. What He has given me is understanding the mechanics of the human body instinctively, I have deep compassion and empathy for the lost and for humanity in general, and the passion to teach God's truths to those who call themselves Christian. Those are my gifting, those are my talents, those are where most of my energies should be directed. I have 20 to 30 years left…Father God, help me to use them wisely.