Here I am

March 3, 2025

Who do you think I am? It's a question based on something that Jesus asked. "Who do you say I am?" Jesus asked this when he took his disciples to the base of Mount Hermon in Caesarea Philippi (Matthew 16:13-20). The location and question were intentional but why there and why the question? Both answers are a bit veiled in scripture but with some digging we find that he was about to reveal to everyone (including the entire spiritual realm) his full identity - his divinity and power (HERE is a link to a great documentary removing the veil) . Jesus's divine nature was veiled by his humanity while on earth, but he knew who he was and what he was here to do. He knew and understood his mission and he is still actively working to complete it.

Speaking of veils, ever wonder why we struggle so much to know who we are and why we're here on earth? I sure have. I, like many of you struggled to figure out who I am and what the heck I'm doing here. Live for pleasure? Live to serve others? Am I simply an accident of the universe, which then must be an accident as well? Or...am I here for a reason?

For me, my mask (veil) was to protect myself. I hid behind it as I tried desperately to understand who I real was and why I was here. I'm convinced, we need to know why we are here to know who we are. That may seem backwards, but knowing we have a reason for being here I think gives clarity to who we are. As you know, human beings can be very cruel and sometimes they do it intentionally. Many of us hide behind our masks because of this hurt. I hurt thinking about the pain that I know some of you've experienced and I hope you come to realize that your pain can be used for good and why it is so important to fight through the pain we all experience.

This website is a bit of a therapy session for me or kinda like the capstone project of a degree program. It's the summary of 30 plus years of work God and I have done together (God never wastes pain, ever). I hope and pray as you explore it, you find something that helps you understand your mission, who you are made to be, and find peace.

About the website.

The website itself has been in the works since...2018 or so, at least that's how long I've had the domain. It's only been since January of 2025, that I've found the confidence in why I am here to make this public. Understanding why I'm here also includes accepting who I am. You'll see that I have writings from years ago; ideas, contemplations, views, etc. that I wrote down, but didn't have the understanding or confidence to show anyone else. I'll be sharing my process of "self discovery" as some would say. I prefer to use the "process of acceptance". Why? Because in order to accept my mission, I also need to accept the gifts, talents, intelligence, and circumstances that God has bestowed upon me and has been patiently developing in me. Accepting the gifting, talents, etc also includes accepting what I haven't been gifted with. That, for me, is the hardest part...accepting my limitations.

So...who do you say I am? Seriously, who do you say I am? Maybe you've known me for years, maybe a few days, maybe only what you've read since coming across this website. No matter how long, I challenge you to think back to your first impression of me. Is it the same now as it was then, and after you've perused this site, does it match what you thought you knew about me? If you've know me for a while, do my actions, attitudes, and ambitions take on a new light now? The reason I ask those questions is not just for my curiosity, but to encourage and challenge you to see if you can see the real person behind other people's masks. Who are they really? What are demons might they be fighting? What are their giftings and talents? Who are they and do they know who they are themselves? How do you answer those questions about yourself?

As you read about my story, you'll see I've had many dreams, (some delusions of grandeur, ok....lets be real, MANY delusions of grandeur), that I've had to give up (accepting limitations). I have done so over time and many with much heartache. However, now I am seeing dreams coming to fruition, even as I write this. These dreams have come together over time, through testing as God continued to refine and reshape my character, and direct my path.

A book you'll see referenced many times in this website is Extreme Ownership, written by Leif Babin and Jocko Willink. One of the chapters discusses the concept of commanders intent. As leaders and members of teams who have been given a mission to undertake, we will most likely fulfill that mission away from the commanders watchful eye and direct command. The team must understand the commanders intent in order to make decisions that will move the mission toward success. It is within the Biblical mission that has brought me to where I am now and is why I do what I do.

I hope you not only enjoy what you find within my website, but also find nuggets that help you find who God made YOU to be. He adores you and is fighting to take the pain (hell) out of this world and protect you as he does so. I didn't see then, what I know now. Hope you will too.

Family Motto

Suck It Up Buttercup

For me, the focus of the motto is two fold - not sweat the small stuff and remember to be grateful. My life is not void of pain, but on the whole, it pretty dang good. I have a great family and extended family who has shown up during the hard times. I have true friends who have done the same. They all know how to work hard, play and have fun, and have been a wonderful example of faith to me. In fact, I found Jesus through the example, challenge, and encouragement of family and friends. Some were people I didn't even like, and yet, God used them to help me learn more about him and eventually trust him with my life. That simple fact - that we are examples for Jesus, has made our family motto every increasingly important to me. It has made this Buttercup suck it up, so I can focus on the important things in life - people.

Do you have a family motto? If so, how does the meaning behind it drive you?

(Love is another word for trust except in God's case. He loves us knowing we are untrustworthy. Jer)